It Demanded to be Felt
by TheTabbieCat
Summary: Gus is gone but Hazel isn't alone.She has Isaac and with Isaac comes George. A boy who knows nothing of death and insists Hazel isn't living her life to the fullest. In some ways he's like Gus, he's funny, calls her HazelGrace and is hideously self-sacrificing but the thing is no can rival Augustus Waters no matter how hard they try. Their friendship wasn't easy but it was theirs.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One – This Isn't The End

I was back in the hospital again. I'd known I didn't have forever, I didn't have delusions of growing old while my tumour sat and festered in my lungs but I thought that I would have a little longer than this. At the very least I thought there would be some kind of deterioration. There wasn't though, yesterday I'd been fine or at least as fine as a person with lungs that sucked at being lungs could be and now I was lying in a sterilised private room in the hospital staring up at the ceiling, knowing it was my time to go. My turn for the inevitable journey that is death.

Earlier, I had the familiar feeling of drowning, of being suffocated but now I could barely feel anything; my body was shutting down permanently. I wasn't crying, I wasn't in pain now; I was drugged up and floating. Floating around inside my own body I was drifting in and out of consciousness and taking my brief and hazy last glances of Mum and Dad and George. They were crying. They were in pain.

It took three attempts for me to push a word out. "Mum." It caught it my throat, it felt like sandpaper. She hovered over me, stroking my hair.

"Hazel," she whispered. Her eyes were watery, she was trying to stop crying, she didn't want me to see her cry. This was how I knew there was no hope, Mum wanted my last look at her to be one that seemed okay at least, she couldn't be happy but she could be as close as possible. "It's going to be okay, honey." She told me, as a hand squeezed mine. "Everything is going to be fine."

The repetition of this has been happening for the last hour or so during my periods of consciousness, but not just that phrase everything was repeated. It would go in the same order as if they'd planned the way it would end, how I would end: Mum would try to comfort me and tell me everything would be fine; Dad would burst into a fresh set of tears; George would hold my hand silently; and then they'd sit and watch me. They'd sit and watch me die.

"Don't." I managed to shake my head slightly, my speech came out slightly clearer now. I didn't want them to watch. It shouldn't end like this, I didn't want the last thing I ever did to cause pain to the ones I loved. Especially George. Whether Mum and Dad were here or not my passing would upset them, no parent should ever bury their child, but George could leave. He didn't have to bear witness to this. He didn't need these memories imprinted into his mind, I didn't want to be his first.

George was one of those very few lucky people who got to live to the age of seventeen before seeing someone they care about die and I couldn't say I wasn't envious. I'd tried to convince George to go home, Mum had even tried to convince him to go home but he wouldn't move. Not when Dad politely asked him to leave, not when his parents turned up and said they thought it was best if he said goodbye, not even when I asked him to do me one last thing and go; if I could say one thing for sure about George Shelby it was that if he knew what he wanted to do he'd do it.

He was looking into my eyes, his dark brown eyes piercing into mine and that was when I saw the first tears roll down his cheek. "I loved you." He whispered, his voice breaking. "I loved you and now you're leaving me." I wasn't leaving him, he acted like I had choice, like if I tried hard enough I'd be healthy again and my lungs wouldn't suck anymore but that wasn't the reality.

It took me a short while but eventually I managed to respond, to give him a full sentence and what I hoped was some kind of closure. My parents had been preparing for this, they knew I loved them and that even death couldn't stop that but George didn't; he wasn't prepared, he didn't understand that it was time to give up and that sometimes it wasn't a matter of how hard you fought. So, I hope my parents understood why I chose to give my last sentence to him over them because he needed it more.

My mostly limp hand squeezed his ever so slightly. "This isn't the end, this isn't a choice." I told him, "You and Isaac are my best friends, you made me live again and if I had the choice, I would always choose to stay." I spoke in present tense because for these last moments, I was still here and they were still my best friends and I could still love Augustus Waters with all my heart.

A smile spread across my lips, Gus, I hoped he'd felt this kind of peace wash over him in his last minutes because I was accepting it, I was finishing the fight. Even in my foggy state of mind I knew this probably wasn't true though, Augustus Waters would have wanted to fight until the end, he'd wish he could have done something more, something heroic, he'd wish he could know if he had left a scar but those were just some of the reasons I loved him. Those were the reasons I could never have loved George in the same way.

No more words were spoken except one. One word which held so much more meaning to me than it did to any of them. It was the last word I'd ever hear and it was perfect.

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two – The Last To Join The List

When I thought about my closest friends I no longer thought of a reclusive author who didn't know of my existence for two reasons: Said author knew I existed; and he was no longer my closest friend. I found myself thinking of support group instead because somehow that had brought to me the three people I held closest in heart other than my parents that is: Augustus Waters, Isaac and George. George Shelby was the last to join the list.

I had met Isaac first, but it wasn't until I'd met Augustus that he became my friend. When Augustus passed, Isaac was one of the few people I had who understood how I felt, confused. I was confused as to why someone as special and passionate as him only got such a limited set of years and such a pain filled set too; I didn't understand why the boy who was more interested in metaphors than basketball was gone. I felt like this about a lot of things but I was always grateful. Our infinity together had been small but it had been beautiful and infinite to me, it had mattered like so few things do. And it was because of that Augustus had left his mark, a mark that wasn't a scar.

Just as initially Isaac had come with Augustus, George came with Isaac. George hadn't gone to support group, he was perfectly healthy and always had been, he wasn't depressed and he definitely didn't understand the process of dying enough to fear it but he'd been waiting outside the church the day we met.

* * *

After support group, after Patrick had read the long list of names that now ended with Augustus, I led Isaac into the elevator and then outside toward to the curb where I'd stood with Augustus the first day we'd met. A lot of things at support group reminded me of him: the chair he'd once sat in; the stairs we'd walked together, the curb where we'd stood and discussed just what Isaac was trying to do to, his now ex-girlfriend, Monica. It wasn't just support group though it was everywhere. I found it hard not to think about him, for a time he'd been one of the very few things I dedicated time to think deeply about and it was a hard habit to break.

There was a light haired boy standing on the burn now. He was slouched, and had a headphone in one ear while he half-heartedly tapped his foot to what I presumed was the beat. He looked a little ridiculous but from the childlike grin on his face it was clear he either didn't realise or didn't care.

"Hey." His brown eyes smiled down at me when we approached before they turned to Isaac. "Is this pretty little thing joining us today?" I was about to interrupt and say no I wasn't joining them I had things to do; Isaac interrupted me. By things I had meant finish an ANTM marathon that had two episodes left, re-read _An Imperial Affliction _and do whatever it took to keep my mind off Augustus. Admittedly, the last one took the most effort he filled most of my thoughts, it wasn't as if these memories weren't happy, most of the time they were and that was the problem. We weren't going to have those happy times again. But the second took a fair amount of effort too, I still loved An Imperial Affliction, it was a great novel that in some ways was still baffling to me however meeting Van Houten had changed things. He wasn't this omniscient, ever present author anymore. He was human.

"You're up for video games right, Hazel?" I wasn't given a chance to answer, as the boy with the brown eyes had started speaking again.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Being blind doesn't give you an excuse to live to for video games." He told Isaac, my eyes widened I hadn't expected him to say that. I didn't expect anyone to say that, people didn't make jokes about Isaacs's blindness; people didn't _mention_ Isaacs's blindness. There was only one person I'd ever seen do that comfortably. "Let's go down the lake." He suggested.

"The lake" I repeated. I'd lived in Indianapolis all my life and I didn't know of any lake; or at least of any lake that was local and accessible to the blind or to teens that were either prone to fainting from exhaustion after what some considered a short journey.

Isaac was shaking his head, "He means that tiny creak down through the forest." He said, he sounded annoyed or maybe he was bored I couldn't tell. I knew what he meant now and it wasn't local nor was it accessible. It wouldn't have been such an odd suggestion if George hadn't been close friends with Isaac, Isaac couldn't make that trip any more than I could, it was downhill hike.

"It's not tiny." The boy said but it was my turn to interject.

"I can't go anyway." I told them, gesturing toward my oxygen tank. "I can't pull this through the forest and it's downhill." Downhill may sound easier but for me but you've got to account for my way back too. "I really am too busy anyway."

"Hazel Grace, you cannot use your ailment as an excuse!" I blinked at the boy who knew my name without my telling I blinked at the only person other than Gus who had called me Hazel Grace; at the look he said "You are _the_ Hazel Grace right?" I had spent a fair amount of my time in a state of confusion over the last month or so but this ranked pretty high on the scale.

"Um... Yes?" I was unsure, what would make me _the_ Hazel Grace? The Hazel Grace that went to support group, the Hazel Grace was currently searching for a new book to love.

"Good, then you're definitely coming with me." The boy insisted and I was starting to think I didn't want to go anywhere with him, it wasn't just that he was disorienting. He had this smile that looked like it was permanently painted on his face and wide brown eyes that seemed as though they should belong to a small child or a wounded animal, there was also the added fact that I'd only just met him.

"George, she physically can't go with you anymore than I can." Isaac sighed; this wasn't one of the sighs we shared at support group it wasn't of boredom this sigh was definitely out of annoyance. At least now I could a put a name to the face in front of me though I was still curious as to what had made me _the_ Hazel Grace.

"Both of you can physically come with me. I'd help guide you, Isaac I'm not going to leave you wandering in the woods am I?" I was starting to think George was used to getting his own way, and he also didn't know when to give in. "And I'll carry the tank for you, Hazel Grace." If it were possible his painted on smile got slightly larger.

"No." Isaac and I said in unison, we presented a united front but even that didn't dishearten him completely.

Arms were folded in front of me and the painted on smile started to slip away. "I have to say, you're not living up to your reputation, Hazel Grace."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "What do you mean?" I asked, I was definitely curious now this was just getting more and more baffling. What had he heard about me, I certainly hadn't heard anything about him?

"You and Gus were friends right?" I bit my lip and looked at the floor, no one really mentioned him directly anymore. There were a lot of things people didn't mention any more. The topic was avoided like the plague. George took my reaction as a yes. "Well, I met him once when Isaac was in hospital he kept talking about this girl." That smile was back in place, I took a step back. "This beautiful girl who didn't realise how funny she was, how she'd made him read some book or something and how she made him feel alive. He insisted he hadn't even realised how little he'd lived before then." I remembered now why people avoided the topic of Augustus, it felt like picking a wound. "Long story short it was you, and now you have a reputation to uphold so you're going to come with me to the creek and have fun."

Isaac's mother pulled up then. "Hey, Isaac you ready to go?" She asked, smiling at George and I as she got out the car. She got a nod from Isaac who then looked toward me which was something he didn't really do anymore, he tended to just speak in your general direction in case he got the person wrong or the direction.

"Do me a favour Hazel, be careful." I frowned, I was always careful. The terminally ill aren't exactly known for their crazy adventures but I agreed anyway, mumbling a sure before Isaac's mother offered me a lift home.

"We were planning to hang out for a bit." George told her, in his own way declining the offer for me but his smile was so bright and somewhat infectious you might think I'd actually agreed to go with him. "We might pop round later though, if that's okay Mrs Johnston." In turn she told him to come round whenever he liked.

"You realise I haven't said yes?" I said to George once Isaac and his mother had left and before he could talk again which seemed inevitable I continued. "I can't walk all the way to the forest and then through the forest and then down to the creek, it's too much. Stairs exhaust me. Long roads exhaust me." I told him as if to prove my point, because he clearly wasn't getting the message. I didn't usually tell people that because usually if you did you got pitied but with George I had a feeling that wouldn't happen.

"If I found a way for you to get there without you having to walk the whole way would you go?" he asked, there was a glint in his eye which made me hesitant to answer. I could say yes and then I'd have agreed, I wouldn't be able to take it back. I could say no but I could tell that wouldn't be the end of it.

"I guess, though it sounds like a prime spot for a serial killer." This made George laugh, he clearly hadn't been expecting that response and it felt good to surprise someone for once. My parents and Isaac were used my comments to the point that it was expected.

"Do I look like a serial killer?" He asked, glancing down at himself in assessment quite dramatically as he turned full circle.

I smiled at him slightly, he was rather amusing. "You wouldn't be a very good one if you could tell by looking at you."

"Touché, Hazel Grace, Touché." He was laughing again, I didn't think I'd said anything terribly funny but his reaction seemed to disagree. "I'm going to hold you to your word." He informed me when he recovered and all I could do was nod because I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that I'd regret this.


End file.
